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Our Friends and Weight Loss - Are we really being supportive, or are we just being polite?
"You don't need to diet - you look great!"
I don't know how many times I said that to friends who told me they were starting a diet. I couldn't understand why they thought I was being unsupportive - until I started my own diet and heard it many times myself.
It's one of our most common responses to another person's determination to lose weight. We're trying to be nice, but it doesn't help.
Even though obesity is one of the top ten causes of preventable disease and death in the world, we still assume that our friends want to diet because they don't like the way they look. Sure, appearance is important - but so is our health.
But we're not the only ones being "nice" instead of supportive.
A recent article in our local paper listed the top 10 things that doctors wished they could say to their patients, but didn't.
Near the top of the list - "You're too fat. It's killing you, and you have to lose weight."
If you consider the number of health problems associated with excess weight, you would think that doctors would feel obligated to discuss this with their patients. I was shocked to find out that many doctors admitted that they don't.
Why? Because they believe their patients "don't want to hear it."
Many doctors are just too "polite" to tell their patients the truth.
Does it matter? You better believe it! If doctors would be a little less polite, and a little more truthful, it would help many people face up to the real health risks they face and give them the needed motivation to start eating a healthy diet.
Consider this: When I was reading through medical journals during a course on addictions counseling, I ran across a simple study that was done in England. The researchers wanted to know if alcoholic patients would change their ways if their doctors told them about the health risks associated with their excess drinking.
The researchers asked participating doctors to speak to their patients with a simple statement during their medical exam, saying something like "Joe, I see that your liver is really showing the effects of your drinking. If you don't stop drinking, it's going to kill you."
The result of this "impolite" remark? An amazing number of heavy drinkers, many of whom had been nagged by their spouses for years, stopped drinking, and it saved their lives!
Whether you're a doctor, or just an ordinary person like me, we all need to ask ourselves these questions: Does our automatic "polite" response really help? Are we really giving our friends the kind of support we would want to recieve when we make a commitment to a diet?
Perhaps instead of "you don't need to diet - you look great!" we should rehearse something like the following: "Oh good - you'll feel so much better!"
Or: "That's great - I've been wanting to do that too, but it's so hard to do it alone. Let's do it together!"
Let's stop being polite - and start being supportive.
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